The Cale Of Madness

All Is Well

2007-06-16T00:55:00.001-04:00

I realize that I took a minute to say something, but everything is fine. Everyone is healthy and peachy keen. I'll get to the details of my past couple nights of wild behavior soon. But not tonight.

Wait Is Over

2007-06-15T12:42:00.001-04:00

Everyone came out okay. But now we have a glance into the world of med-taking that we will not forget.

So it was with little delay that I fucked the tiniest ass -ever- last night. I am still popping wood thinking about it. Goodness I love my cock. It hit him in all the right places and the orgasm was stupendous.

More soon.

Morning 3

2007-06-13T07:52:00.001-04:00

Wake up next to a gorgeous man (mine), two yellows. He wakes up, two yellows and a blue. I go to work, one white, maybe two pales and a stiff amber. I come home, two yellows and a blue. He does too, two yellows. But for him, before, a white. This is day 3 of what feels like calm, yet feels like hell. I have no side effects to speak of but that doesn't mean I'm well, either. I have toned up a little but I'm gonna have to force the protein shakes in me, cuz I know it's from loss. I'm also not drinking nearly enough water. And I've found a few opps to jerk off even though I am totally turned off. Doc would have called him yesterday if he saw anything. No news with him is good news but it really helps to hear. Tomorrow is the day we hopefully find out if everything is okay, even though it will be ok.... I haven't talked to our bud. I have actually had no interaction with him prior to, during or after Friday. I suppose that's a good thing. Let's the situation be very pri
vate forthe lot of us while we sort things out in our heads, if needed. I would LOVE a nap. These colors are just blurring.

Day 2 Of Waiting

2007-06-12T07:42:00.000-04:00

This morning marks day 2 of waiting to hear more about the status of man and buddy. This morning I had two yellows at wake-up to follow the two yellows and one blue I had at dinner. And today again at dinner I will repeat the process. When I imagine possibly having to do this for the rest of my life I get worried.

The worst part is that I'm horny as hell but don't want to do anything until I know what's going on.

Sex Dream

2007-06-12T00:05:00.000-04:00

So I had this dream. I woke up and a really butch, hot-ass friend of mine...with a cocky attitude the likes of which only my man has...caught me in my room getting ready for work. He cornered me and pushed me into a closet and just got real close, saying things to me that I wanted to hear, moving my hand to his crotch. And let me tell you...though I haven't seen it in real life, it felt perfect through gym shorts. I wanted to get down on my knees right there and have at it. Then my man woke me up. Bastard. ;) The other dream I had of the same guy was a bit opposite...in a previous dream he got into the shower with me fully clothed, got on his knees and begged me to cockslap him and play with his face.

I wonder what kinds of dreams I will have tonight...whether they will just be playful inferences of shit that just won't happen in real life, or if they'll be the all-out sexcapades I could ONLY dream about?

No, We Obviously Weren't Thinking

2007-06-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

We obviously weren't thinking too clearly and should be taken to task. And if this turns out badly, we will be taken to task by our doctor. Harshly. In fact we might even get a spanking. And I'm not kidding about that. ;)

Here's the quick time-line. Friday, my man gets barebacked by a buddy, bleeds a little, and when he realizes there's no condom on the guy, he leaves and calls me before I can get to my trick. Friday night, we get him on the meds. Sunday morning, we're fooling around and using condoms for the first time in years.... So my ass is covered on the inside with all the condom gook, and lube you can imagine. Then...well...we're playin around and he puts it in without one.

This is where you get to asking, "what the hell are you two doing?" Well to be honest...it didn't go too long but the fact is, it made it in. But then again, didn't last long on Friday night either. Anyway...I went to the shower and douched out anything that could possibly be laying around inside. Then I took a nap.

I think subconsciously I knew that I had just made a potentially huge mistake. But when two people are making love ya kinda don't think, do ya? My man asked me today if I let him do that that because I wanted to go through this with him. Immediately, I said no. That...would make me sick in the head and co-dependent. We are not that. But the fact is...we made a second mistake on top of the first one.

This afternoon, my man and our buddy took their tests. My man finds out tomorrow how his went, cuz all he is getting is the anti-body check: whether you've been exposed in the past 3 months. Chances are if he has, I have. Duh. If he comes back okay, great. But he won't find out whether he can stop taking the pills until our buddy gets his test back. Our buddy is getting a viral load count test and the antibody test. So umm...keep your fingers crossed. If our buddy has somethin, my man has to take the pills for a month. If not, though...he can stop takin the pills.

It's been less than 72 hours since my man and I made that tiny, probably insignificant mistake. So I started taking the pills today too. Here's the pickle: if the boys both come back negative, then I don't have to keep taking them. If there's a problem with our buddy...we have to tell the doctor what we did so I get my own pills and take them for 30 days too.

It's true what they say sometimes about men and their dicks.

Testing and Nightmares

2007-06-11T08:17:00.001-04:00

This blog is supposed to be about my sexploits. Trust me whem I say I'll get there. Like who I'm fuckin and how it went. No names. No pictures. But lately it has been a little sounding board for HIV talk. Not what I planned, but so far it's beena good way to get stuff off my chest.

Today, my man gets tested along with our friend. My man will have a check for antibodies while our friend will get the viral load and antibody check. I have to admit that the only reason I am really still calm is benzodiazopines. I actually broke down last night from all of the aggregated stress in my life. Leave it to cheap champagne. I had a friend listening though, who reminded me that I wouldn't be normal if I didn't get like this once in awhile. Crying can be good...but it sure does hurt the eyes.

I get horny as fuck every morning around 915. It's like clockwork. But I suspect it will not be like that today and until the doctor can get news from the blood tests of both my man and our friend. I hate holding all of this in. Only our room mate knows what's going on. He's been through hing before and he came out okay.

Anyway this is a test of cell-phone-posting. I have more to write but not until I start my morning at the office. Let's see how it goes.

Wish us all health and luck.
Cale

My Cock Is Hard

2007-06-10T06:06:00.000-04:00

But besides that, what's even harder is being in a nearly 4-year-old relationship and not being able to recognize when he wants to be left alone. I need to be told, or I'm gonna try to be with him. His way of telling me though is silence and excusal to said bedroom to read a book. Not a word to me. And since I don't like being pushed away like that, I pont it out.

Since his little scare with the newly prescribed HIV meds, which hopefully won't be necessary for too long....he's just withdrawn. He feels he made a horrible mistake and that he's wronged me. He's embarassed. And it hurts that I can't do anythign about it but hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok.

It's still early. Think I'll jerk off and go back to bed a snuggle him.

Emergency Meds

2007-06-10T05:36:00.000-04:00

So my boyfriend and I decided to go our own separate ways to trick for the evening recently. He would go over to this guys house we know to get topped...and I would be going to another guys apartment to top him. As I'm getting ready to head over to my bottom's place, I get a very disturbing call from my partner saying that I needed to come home immediately. He was on his way, so I took a cab. I thought something bad must have happened with his trick. And I was right.

In the playtime they had together, which wasn't long...some miscommunication mixed with heat of their moment. The condom was on the bed, ready to go. And thinking the condom was on when things got started, my boyfriend proceeded to get fucked. Well, this went on for 5 or ten minutes before he realized there was no condom on and that he was bleeding a little. My boyfriend immediately went to the bathroom to wipe off and leave, a bit freaked out. The top was mortified...because he actually did think that's what my boyfriend wanted, despite my boyfriend saying he always plays safe. The look on the guy's face as my boyfriend left was pale and utterly sorrowful. I have no indication that this was done on purpose. This guy's not like that. But still no excuse for not keeping an eye on yourself and your sex partner.

(I think people think it's okay to do stuff like this with a couple, or one half of a couple, because the couple is likely safe. It's a dirty myth that should not be perpetuated. There are plenty of couples out there who are just as harmful to you as you are to them.)

We know this guy. He's a pal. He's been after my ass for ages. And he might get some one day. But not until this little mess is cleared up. He claims to have been tested as negative in the past few months. That's all well and good. But...now my boyfriend, who is unwilling to take any risk that the contrary exixts, has sought his doctor's advice.

Our doctor prescribed him the immediate Truvada once a day, Kaletra twice a day. On Monday or Tuesday, my boyfriend and the agreeable top will get blood drawn for a load count. If they both come back okay, boyfriend doesn't have to continue taking these drugs for a month. If top-man comes back with a load, however small or large...boyfriend has to be on the meds for a month. And if top-man pusses out of the test, well...boyfriend has to be on the drugs for a month, top's character will be in question, and despite his rather large dick, top will not be getting any of this ass at all.

As a result of this hookup, I was of course cock-blocked...right after taking a Cialis. And I have had no outlet whatsoever. And you Cialis users out there know just as well as I do that that's just not right. It's certainly not easy.

I kept my cool through the entire situation. So did my man. I'm proud of how we quickly and intelligently handled everything. But now I have an embarassed and scared boyfriend who has become increasingly difficult to communicate with as this is wrapping itself around his brain. I'm not mad at either of them. Shit happens. But I am quick to reiterate that people make SURE the condom is actually on before you get to fuckin. It's just common sense, and we're all guilty of forgetting at one point or another. I mean hell...once, my boyfriend and I flip-fucked a friend of ours silly one night while drunk, and we didn't use condoms. Stupid, yes. Lucky no one was hurt, yes. Everyone came out clean. And this will come out clean, I'm sure...but the behavior is what's at question.

My boyfriend is lamenting now that we'll have to go back to condoms when we make love. I'm trying to get him to understand that the love isn't the condom. The love is him and I sharing a moment. Hopefully he won't crawl into a hole and push me away out of self-inflicted guilt. I'm not going to leave him over something like this.

Wish us luck. I'll keep you updated.

Cale

Denial Can Be Deadly

2007-03-06T05:23:00.000-05:00

I recently discovered the possibility that there may be a traitor in our midst. By this, I mean a guy that I know is running around sleeping with guys while pretending to be HIV negative. I am especially displeased with this. I don't know who he is. My source will not give a name until he is absolutely sure. I certainly hope it is a rumor and nothing more. The thought of someone knowingly deceiving people I know and hold dear is not tolerable. It's even worse if I/we might have been indirectly affected because of it.  Despite last month's negative results, I am not necessarily encouraged by this particular piece of news.  But the fact is...there are many other people just like this. It is sad. But it is very true. Keep us all in your thoughts, people. I am hoping for the best...while preparing for the worst.  If it's true, is he just in denial? Is he fearing rejection? WHY?! Especially considering how tight knit we all are.  I'm very....very...concerned.  Cale

Get Your HIV Test

2007-03-05T05:23:00.000-05:00

I just got an HIV test last month with my partner. We came out negative. As usual, we were nervous going into it because you never know if that one hookup or that other hookup might have been a mistake. We're always protected, but nothing is 100%.  So if you haven't been tested for HIV lately, let this be my public service announcement. Do it. You have a responsibility to do so.

Cock O'Clock

2007-03-04T05:22:00.000-05:00

It's 1:45pm on Sunday and yet again I have a tight bulge growing in my jeans. This would be the 20th time in 48 hours. God bless Viagra, Levitra, Cialis....the lot!  But a disclaimer: I did not, nor should any of you take all three of these products simultaneously. I stick with only one of those.  Which do you prefer?

The Life Of Cale Exposed

2007-03-04T05:21:00.000-05:00

This is the first post I've written on this blog. So let me give you the intro.  I am in my late twenties and have started coming into my own dirty side. Up until a few months ago I was probably considered vanilla in action but probably not in mind. As a direct result of exposure to some friends of mine, the dirty side has started to come out swinging. So I need a place to write about it. I will not go there on my real blogspot account out of respect for the people I'm going to talk about.  I won't say who I am. I will not use real names. So now you know my name isn't Christoph McCale. It's a pseudonym I came up with in college when I started exploring the world of m4m chat rooms on AOL. But you can call me Cale. I will even try not to give you a clue where I am and even change some of the details of my real life to confuse would-be accusers. And even if you do figure it out I'll just tell you that you're wrong.  I have a partner of eight years. We live in a nice house with our cat and aquarium of goldfish. (No, we don't feed them to the cat. We get asked that a lot.) We've enjoyed being quite happy together and opened our relationship a little over a year ago. But it's not a signal that the relationship is dying. And it's not for a lack of love or sex, but an abundance of trust we've gained from being together. We are just wild guys who believe that sex is just a part of being a guy. One may not be available for the other when the he wants it. So we just make sure the other is cool with it before doing anything. Each holds veto power, everything must be safe, and if we can't get in touch it's a no-go.  So welcome...to my blog of tricks and emergence experiences. ;)